jademermaid | (no subject)

It's been a long weekend.

Of course the Durga workshop was on Friday, and I nearly made it to the end, but the recent temperature changes have been rough on my knees. I do hope to work on Ariellah's mini choreography, I've not heard back from her, but I know that they need to get to a place that has internet, not to mention have the time to check email. I miss being young and on the road. I really enjoyed it and I admit I am somewhat jealous of those two!

After the workshop Corey made a bonfire, and a few people came by to hang out, even Tempest and Ariellah hung out with us, which was uber cool of them, I know they were probably really tired, but we enjoyed fangirling with them while they were here. I really expected more people to come to the house, it being a Friday night, but maybe they felt weird about going to a house they didn't know, or maybe they thought I was weird, whatever. The cool kids stayed until about 2 in the morning, and then I felt my eyelids closing, so I picked up the munchies and folks started clearing out.

The next morning I got up early so I could make breakfast for Corey, who was an angel and did lots of stuff around the house for the get together. But he decided to sleep late, so I got myself ready to go, I had to teach a beginner bellydance class at Pagan Pride Day. I knew it was going to be poorly attended, there had been some problems as always with the administration of it--getting pagans organized is like trying to nail jello to a tree. But the folks that were there were cool.

twistedtulip was kind enough to give me a ride out there, but we all sort of wished we could have stayed in Lebanon that day and go to the bikers against child abuse gathering at the local coffeehouse.

I made it through class, though it was far from my best. I found it hard to focus and it was a bit chilly, which wasn't good for the old bones. We left after my class, though normally I would have hung out and danced to the Love Drums music, they are always good fun and like me, get roped into doing PPD every year.

This morning, I woke up with a sneezy headcold, probably from dancing in the cold weather, or maybe from being around lots of humans at once, that always makes me sick, LOL. I've spent most of the day watching old movies on cable and doing my Latin homework, and brooding.

I've been ~~carrying some insecurity with me~~ kind of pissed off all week, because after setting up a friend with the contact for a drum workshop, she completely dissed me and is asking other dancers to perform at the show after the drum workshop. Of course the girls she is asking are young pretty and skinny, which only serves to make me more depressed. Of all the people I would have thought would respect experience and talent over cute and thin, she really surprised me, and I'm having some trouble dealing with it. It burns me even more because I never hesitate to support her music project at the haflas we host, it just really hurts, you know? Today on my friends list, someone linked to an awful post where a thin and pretty girl has said atrocious things about plus sized women, and acts as though it is completely fine to spew the hatespeak--in fact, she chides others above a size 10 as huge, saying that her size zero is healthy and fat chicks are disgusting.

I was never skinny, but I was a size 7 in high school, and I remember swearing to myself that I would never get fat, that I would simply stop eating if I got fat--I mean why didn't fat people just stop eating so much? It is so easy to throw stones when you are standing on a pile of them. Now I know that getting older, quitting smoking, injuries and hell, life can slowly add pounds when you aren't looking, but what good is it to try and tell people that when all they see are young and pretty and skinny, and everything else is crap? Maybe it is some form of karma return, though I really don't believe is such things. In any case, I'm feeling fat and old and ugly lately, and it's causing me to have some hate toward cute and skinny and young people right now. It's not your fault.