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Four in the morning. Pity party.
Jul. 20th, 2007 04:15 amSo I'm up in the middle of the night, can't sleep.
I have lots of things running through my head for the Neptunalia ritual, but then I just get grouchy since it is not going to be too many people at all this year. It sucks because I put so much into these religious observances, only to have all of the local folks tell me they can't make it, for whatever reason. I do this because it is my worship and duty, but I also do it to be social, which sometimes seems like a waste of time, since I live in the boonies and like three people might be interested in what I'm doing. I'm tired of people telling me it's too far and gas is high, too. It's not like I have these things all that often.
Since the beginning of the year, very few people have shown up to any of the religious or social observances I've held other than the people I set things up with. Maybe it's me, maybe people just don't like hanging out with me this year, I don't know. It's pretty ironic, since I've been working so hard on how I deal with life situations, I rarely allow myself to get angry anymore, and now my old friends stay away from me. That's fine I guess, I think I'm a damn fine person to be around, so I'm trying to get over it. But to be perfectly honest, it hurts and I am lonely because of it. As everyone knows, I thrive on attention, and apparently, I wither when I'm ignored. I would love to be all philosophical and say things like, "I am fine on my own, I don't need the approval of others." It sounds good coming out, but it is really just bullshit. Everyone cares what other people think, or else we would all be naked cave people.
Maybe I'm going for naked cavelady with my current hairstyle! Maybe I'm devolving! Yay!
In other crappy news, Corey has developed a small infection in his finger, and the surgeon has made him an appointment with a specialist in infections over at Summit. He is on his second round of antibiotics, and it has been draining off pretty well, it actually looks way better, but the doc is playing it super safe, he does not want to have to remove the silicone rod that's in his finger and start over, and of course, neither do we!
So he has that appointment on Monday, and he's been going two or three times a week to therapy, which means we haven't been able to go bike riding at all, which really sucks. We are both quite pudgy and bummed lately with all of this doctor and hospital stuff. We went today and ate Long John Silvers, we both wanted the fried fishes bad! It tasted great, but later on my belly was a mess. I'll bet Corey's was too, he had trouble the last time we ate a bunch of fried food. Getting older really sucks sometimes.
I applied for a part time job up at Aldi, but I am less than optimistic about an interview. They were having a job day sort of thing, and lots of people were coming in and filling out applications. The lady in front of me was applying for shift manager, and went on and on about her qualifications. To be honest, I found her to be pushy and overeager, but some managers like that. Still, it took the wind out of my sails because I haven't worked in a real job for seven years, so I told the guy I taught dance classes part time, did a little sewing work, stuff like that that wouldn't look good on paper. He seemed nice, but I have no idea what makes a person stand out in a guy's mind when he's been chatting up so many applicants all day. I did my best, was cheerful and honest. It's hard not to be negative though, especially tonight for some reason.
I am happy about the stream assesssment class though, and I got a call from a guy at the Tennessee Clean Water Network. We are playing phone tag at the moment, but he sounds like he is excited to talk with me, so I guess we will see. Maybe I need to be alone and focus on this stuff right now, but I'm not happy about it.
Yes, I'm a comment whore. Stroke me.
I have lots of things running through my head for the Neptunalia ritual, but then I just get grouchy since it is not going to be too many people at all this year. It sucks because I put so much into these religious observances, only to have all of the local folks tell me they can't make it, for whatever reason. I do this because it is my worship and duty, but I also do it to be social, which sometimes seems like a waste of time, since I live in the boonies and like three people might be interested in what I'm doing. I'm tired of people telling me it's too far and gas is high, too. It's not like I have these things all that often.
Since the beginning of the year, very few people have shown up to any of the religious or social observances I've held other than the people I set things up with. Maybe it's me, maybe people just don't like hanging out with me this year, I don't know. It's pretty ironic, since I've been working so hard on how I deal with life situations, I rarely allow myself to get angry anymore, and now my old friends stay away from me. That's fine I guess, I think I'm a damn fine person to be around, so I'm trying to get over it. But to be perfectly honest, it hurts and I am lonely because of it. As everyone knows, I thrive on attention, and apparently, I wither when I'm ignored. I would love to be all philosophical and say things like, "I am fine on my own, I don't need the approval of others." It sounds good coming out, but it is really just bullshit. Everyone cares what other people think, or else we would all be naked cave people.
Maybe I'm going for naked cavelady with my current hairstyle! Maybe I'm devolving! Yay!
In other crappy news, Corey has developed a small infection in his finger, and the surgeon has made him an appointment with a specialist in infections over at Summit. He is on his second round of antibiotics, and it has been draining off pretty well, it actually looks way better, but the doc is playing it super safe, he does not want to have to remove the silicone rod that's in his finger and start over, and of course, neither do we!
So he has that appointment on Monday, and he's been going two or three times a week to therapy, which means we haven't been able to go bike riding at all, which really sucks. We are both quite pudgy and bummed lately with all of this doctor and hospital stuff. We went today and ate Long John Silvers, we both wanted the fried fishes bad! It tasted great, but later on my belly was a mess. I'll bet Corey's was too, he had trouble the last time we ate a bunch of fried food. Getting older really sucks sometimes.
I applied for a part time job up at Aldi, but I am less than optimistic about an interview. They were having a job day sort of thing, and lots of people were coming in and filling out applications. The lady in front of me was applying for shift manager, and went on and on about her qualifications. To be honest, I found her to be pushy and overeager, but some managers like that. Still, it took the wind out of my sails because I haven't worked in a real job for seven years, so I told the guy I taught dance classes part time, did a little sewing work, stuff like that that wouldn't look good on paper. He seemed nice, but I have no idea what makes a person stand out in a guy's mind when he's been chatting up so many applicants all day. I did my best, was cheerful and honest. It's hard not to be negative though, especially tonight for some reason.
I am happy about the stream assesssment class though, and I got a call from a guy at the Tennessee Clean Water Network. We are playing phone tag at the moment, but he sounds like he is excited to talk with me, so I guess we will see. Maybe I need to be alone and focus on this stuff right now, but I'm not happy about it.
Yes, I'm a comment whore. Stroke me.
