(no subject)
Dec. 20th, 2006 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jademermaidI feel better. I opened the window in the spare room, lit up some sweetgrass and sage and smudged the whole room, because I could still smell whatever body spray or wash he used, plus I could still smell cigarette smoke in there from his stuff, even though he always smoked outside - this is not his fault, my sense of smell has become superhuman since I became a non-smoker.
I vacuumed and moved my sewing table and dummy back in there, and I feel like I can stop fretting over the whole thing. I'm still hurt and all, but his giving up was his failing and no longer something I will worry about.
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I seriously have more stuff than I can possibly use in this house, it sometimes feels like it is closing in all around me. I really wish I were more motivated to get rid of it, but it just seems like such a daunting task, even when I think of taking it in sections. Even the sections seem huge! I'm thinking if I just look at one set of shelves or drawers at a time it might be easier.
What burns me is that I have done this so many times in my life, just gotten rid of nearly everything and not felt a twinge, but now that I'm older it's like I'm clinging to things that really are no help to me.
I think of those little old ladies back in Miami when I was growing up, surrounded by tchochkies, little ceramic poodles and shelves upon shelves of some sort of glass collection. I always thought, 'why give yourself more stuff to dust?', but now I see that I am well on my way to being surrounded by the mass produced metal and ceramic markers of my era, pewter mermaids and dragons, brass incense burners and assorted pagan goodies. When young people come into my home, it probably looks to them just like the Miami ladies' homes looked to me--outdated, obsessive and silly.
I vacuumed and moved my sewing table and dummy back in there, and I feel like I can stop fretting over the whole thing. I'm still hurt and all, but his giving up was his failing and no longer something I will worry about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seriously have more stuff than I can possibly use in this house, it sometimes feels like it is closing in all around me. I really wish I were more motivated to get rid of it, but it just seems like such a daunting task, even when I think of taking it in sections. Even the sections seem huge! I'm thinking if I just look at one set of shelves or drawers at a time it might be easier.
What burns me is that I have done this so many times in my life, just gotten rid of nearly everything and not felt a twinge, but now that I'm older it's like I'm clinging to things that really are no help to me.
I think of those little old ladies back in Miami when I was growing up, surrounded by tchochkies, little ceramic poodles and shelves upon shelves of some sort of glass collection. I always thought, 'why give yourself more stuff to dust?', but now I see that I am well on my way to being surrounded by the mass produced metal and ceramic markers of my era, pewter mermaids and dragons, brass incense burners and assorted pagan goodies. When young people come into my home, it probably looks to them just like the Miami ladies' homes looked to me--outdated, obsessive and silly.
